It does sound like a non-sequitor, quickie biryani. This Mughal-era dish is made  slooooowly, not hastily, but haste need not make waste. For those who haven’t heard of this meat-and-rice concoction, take a look at this. There as many types of biryani as there are languages in India – and that is a lot. North Indian versions are different from those in the west are different from those in the south are different from those in the east. And each claims they are the best.

“Arre bhai (o brother), you haven’t had the biryani from Amber (in Esplanade in Calcutta), then you haven’t had anything,” said a friend from that city to me some years ago. So we went there and I had their biryani; it was nice and meaty, oily and spicy with the mandatory potato in the middle of the rice. It left me warm, that is, it didnt vastly excite me.

Hyderabad in south India is known for pearls and biryani. Hyderabadi biryani is in search of the Geographical Indication tag, so you know you have the real thing only when you are in town. There are take-aways and restaurants all over India selling Hyderabadi biryani, but the GI tag will ensure this is the real thing. I found the mutton (goat meat) version nice, but the chicken avatar was bland and needed a lot of help to eat.

Kerala has its own versions, and I tried a lamb (read mutton) biryani that was spicy and wet at the bottom with oil and spices. That was the best part – getting spicier as you go deeper. The meat was nicely done and spiced, with the taste diffused through the rice, helped with star anise and other spices. Crispy fried onions on top set off the rice with their sweet crunchiness.

The biryani in Pune, western India, was a let down. It was hot (chilli hot), oily and the meat was under-cooked. After wrestling with some of the meat, I gave up and satiated myself with the rice and accompanying yoghurt and curry. Not really a good way to appreciate what is high cuisine art. Maybe if the restaurant SP’s had been a little more patient….

As I write this, I know I am setting myself up for target practice. But, truth be told, Delhi is still the epicentre of the biryani. The Press Club of India, every Saturday, imports biryani from Old Delhi that is incredibly tasty. Warning – it is addictive. You need to eat a full plate supplemented with raita (yoghurt with a suitable vegetable such as cucumber in it). It is oily, but not ridiculously so, and well spiced. The meat holds the spices that are more mildly reflected in the rice. If you have the same stuff at Karims or any other Old Delhi restaurant, it taste pretty much the same. The best way is to take the Metro, walk and build up an appetite, and then satiate yourself.

Anyway, so onto my version. Depending on how lazy I’m feeling, I have a few variants but they taste pretty similar. I never get the coloured rice effect; restaurants use food colouring but you can use turmeric. It does nothing for the taste, only makes the dish look different. Better is a matter of taste!

So get a kilo of mutton – chops and the spine only. Make sure your butcher cleans the fat off the meat completely. These pieces absorb the spices best and become scrunchy-ish when cooked nicely. Wash these, pat dry and lay them on a flat surface. Sprinkle salt and rub the pieces together, put them in a deep bowl and cover with active culture yoghurt for a couple of hours. This softens the meat and takes the ‘meaty’ smell out.

Next, heat a large deep pan and put about 1/8 inch of oil for deep frying. Dont use cheapy oil because this is the same stuff that will flavour your biryani in the end. Maybe olive pomace, groundnut or similar oil but avoid mustard or sunflower unless you like their flavour – I don’t. Heat the oil and carefully add the meat. Tip – heat and cool the oil once, then reheat and add the meat. This helps avoid the meat sticking to the pan. I don’t use a non-stick vessel.

While the meat is frying, get the other stuff ready. Measure out 1.5 cups of rice, but dont wash it yet. Measure out 1 tablespoon each of cloves, cardammom, cinnamon, mace or nutmeg, cumin seed, coriander seed and a few dried bay leaves. You need 2 tablespoons of pepper corns (less if you dont want it so hot). Grind them coarsely together, leaving the mace and bay leaves out. This is about 6-7 seconds in a dry grinder – you don’t want a powder. Add them to the meat while its frying.

You also need saffron, either the dried stigmas or oil extract, almonds and raisins. Three drops of saffron oil or a few stigmas are good enough. A couple of tablespoons of almonds and raisins are also sufficient.

Once the meat is browned, put it in another pan to boil till nearly cooked. The meat should not pull away from the bones. In the meantime, wash the rice. Take the meat out of the water and back in the oil, keeping the heat really low. Add the rice, mace and bay leaves. Sprinkle the saffron on top. If you are using oil extract, hold on a sec. Add water to the meat and rice mixture, enough to cover it to a depth of one inch. Add the oil extract now with the almonds and raisins. Cover the pan with a tight cover, put a weight on top to minimize steam loss and let it simmer on a low fire. Now, if you want coloured rice, take a little turmeric powder and mix it with water. Poke a few holes in the rice and pour little bits of this suspension into the holes. You can do this once the rice is semi-cooked.

Ideally, this stage is done on a very low fire, with a sealed pot. But a pot with a tight-fitting lid and properly weighted will also do.

It takes about 30 minutes to cook. Voila, biryani is ready. From start to finish, the process takes about 2 hours. If you are not in a hurry, marinade the meat for longer, fry it on a low fire till semi-cooked adding water to keep it soft, and then add the rice. You don’t need to boil it separately, and this way tastes better (but is more time consuming and needs more work). The trick is to cook on a low fire, even in the quickie version.

You can make a nice accompaniment to the biryani with yoghurt called pachri. Chop onions – long pieces – and dice a couple of tomatoes. Slice a couple of chillies along their length. Take 3 stems of curry leaves and wash them. Heat a little oil, sputter half a teaspoon of mustard seeds. Fry the onions till transparent, add the tomatoes and chillies. Let the tomatoes soften a little, but not cook. Add the curry leaves, de-stalked. Switch off the fire. Add the yoghurt and salt to taste and mix this well. You can serve this with the biryani – it buttresses the taste.